Any time that I have to give a presentation in front of the class or whenever all the attention is on me, I get very nervous. I have heard so many times that people hate public speaking more than anything so I know that I am not alone.  Why do people like me hate public speaking so much?

Answer:

Unfortunately, do not know enough about your situation to tell you why you hate public speaking so much.  The only person that can answer that is yourself as it can be different things for different people.  What I CAN do is tell you about my own fear of public speaking.

For me, it was a need to be perfect which translated into a fear of making mistakes. I felt so strongly about being perfect that it literally crippled me with stage fright and anxiety.  My mouth would go bone dry and my tongue would feel about 20 inches thick as I got up to speak.  I used to write my whole speech out and try to memorize every word.  The problem with this is that I spent so much time and energy thinking about getting the words right that I failed to connect emotionally with my audience and they were bored.

The thing to remember about public speaking is that generally the audience wants you to succeed.  Most of them are just as afraid of speaking in front of people as you are and they do not want to trade places with you.  They are thrilled that you are brave enough to get up there and grateful that THEY don’t have to do it!

Now when I prepare for a speech, I begin with deciding what message I want the audience to take home with them. How will their lives be improved or affected by this presentation?  Doing this takes all the emphasis off of getting the words right and all the focus goes into giving the audience something useful.  It helps to know something about your audience and what they care about before writing your speech.

If you know a lot about your topic, try to avoid writing out your speech word for word but rather create bullet points in a logical order to help keep your conversation on track. Then, just practice speaking from your heart, without memorizing words. When it is a topic that you know very well and you have passion for, you will know the right thing to say at the right time to say it.  Trust yourself.

I am taking a class where I have to act in front of people. I considered dropping the class cause of my stage fright and fear of acting in front of people, but if I can find a way to do it now then I won’t have to take this class next year.  I fear public speaking so much but I know that if I could become just a little more comfortable then I could learn to act and speak in front of people.  Thanks.  Tonia

Answer:

This is probably the last thing that you want to hear right now but absolutely the best thing you could do right now is to practice speaking in front of people as soon as possible.  In fact, the sooner you get up and talk in front of people the better if you want to overcome your stage fright quickly.

Many people recommend joining a group like Toastmasters which can be a good idea but it can also work against you. They do try hard to provide an atmosphere filled with positive feedback, but unless you are really secure with yourself and open to learning from others, you might end up interpreting the feedback as negative criticism.

What I did to overcome my fear of public speaking is to come up with a short presentation about a topic I knew alot about, which at the time was “how to build a website”.  Then, I invited 6 of my closest friends (the ones I trusted not to make fun of me) over to my house to listen to my presentation.  They all knew in advance that they were coming to hear me practice so we had a really positive atmosphere right from the start.  At the end of my speech, I passed around a feedback survey which asked them for their impressions and suggestions.

Speaking in front of a group of people that I knew gave me the practice and the confidence that I needed to speak in front of a real audience.  Hope this helps.

Next Saturday,  I have to give an important presentation and I need some ideas how I can stop my fear of public speaking.  I really want to do a great job but every time I think about it I am totally freaking out inside. My voice and hands start trembling whenever I get up to speak in front of a group of people. Sometimes, my mind goes blank, when speaking in public, and I don’t want to get embarrassed. Do you have any advice for me?  I only have a couple of days to get ready.

Charles says:

First of all, try not to think too much about getting nervous, your mind going blank, or being embarrassed in front of your audience.  If you continue to focus on these things, your fear and anxiety will only get worse.  Instead, think about how well your presentation is going to go and how much the people in the audience are going to love it.

What I do is pull out my journal and I begin writing about the presentation.  Not the speech itself, but the story behind how it came to be that I was called upon to do this presentation and how excited I am to be the one chosen to deliver it. By the way, I would bet that you have been given this assignment because someone trusts and respects you enough to provide you with such a great opportunity.  Write about that in your journal ( you need to have a journal, so if you don’t already have one, start one today)

Next, describe in detail, almost like a script for a movie or play, how you see yourself and the presentation playing out. Describe how the audience will react.  Will they be on the edge of their seats or will they leap out of their chairs in thunderous applause?  Describe the perfect end result!

Once this is written down, you can go back and refer to it every time your fear of speaking in public pops up.  Focus on what you want, not on what you don’t want.  This is what helps me deal with my fear whenever it comes up.

Lastly,  forget all the usual advice like imagining the audience naked.  Not only is that advice unhelpful, but it will probably make you even more nervous and anxious than you are right now.  Relax, have confidence in yourself, and ENJOY every minute of it.   You will be great.  Just be yourself.